Getting Jock on Main
Or, How to Get Touraine's Arms
Woohoo, birthday month! [edit: i posted this thinking it was already august. oops. oh well! party early!]
It’s been a long time since an update, mostly because I have little news that I can share with you other than the fact that there is so much happening and I can share it with you! Infuriating, I know, but all will become clear soon, including reasons for the delays on The Sovereign. So this newsletter isn’t really an update at all but a few resources regarding workouts since many of you have asked about that.
I’d also like to take a moment to say, I’m a featured author on Writing Excuses, a podcast that many of you who write will be familiar with. I listened to it religiously when I started getting serious about writing, and to have people analyze my work so carefully, and then to come onto the podcast myself—definitely a bucket list moment. Go ahead and take a listen, and subscribe if you want excellent craft mulling in 15 minute bites.
If you’re not here for the “How to Get Touraine’s Arms” talk, please stay tuned for the next newsletter which will hopefully have more news.
For the Bros
Okay, so, this part is going to be a lot and you can tap out and go to the final skip if you want to see what’s up in my life and what I’m reading lately.
As many of you know, I play mostly with kettlebells these days, but I also have a couple sandbags now that I have no downstairs neighbors. I used to be a personal trainer, so sometimes I make my own plans but other times I want to take the mental work out of it and I either hire a trainer myself, or I use/adapt a program to my needs. Here are a few of them that I’ve used, many of them free (or by trainers who often give away free things).
As you look at the options below, keep this in mind: any program is going to take time to stack up the adaptations, whether you’re looking for body composition changes, Touraine’s arms, or a superhuman engine. Don’t be afraid to adapt the program to your own level, but also don’t shy away from hard effort. Find your limits, then flirt with them. That’s the only way to push them farther and farther.
(NB: you can adapt these based on your equipment. Just use common sense. E.g. If you have one bell, do one side, then the other. If you have a weight that’s too light, do more reps.)
12-week Muscle-Building Kettlebell Masterplan by Geoff Neupert - 12 weeks, 2 kettlebells. I’ve gone through it at three different weights now, 8kg, 12kg, and 16kg. It’s a tough one for me because I have a bum shoulder, but it’s brought strength to that shoulder like nothing else. Not to mention the rest of my body. You wanna get broad and solid, this’ll do it for you. Geoff Neupert is a trusted voice in the kettlebell world, and I also like some of his other programs—I just finished one from his More Kettlebell Muscle book that helped me get in survivable shape for a 10-mile race while I couldn’t run. That’s pretty impressive.
You Are Not Your Gym Membership by Andrew Tracey - 12 weeks. AT is one of my favorite gym folks on the internet these days. He writes a lot on Men’s Health and his instagram is worth a follow. He’s a man with a good, thoughtful head on his shoulders, and he’ll give away even his paid programs for free if you’re truly in need, and that’s on top of the free programs he’s written (many of which I’m sharing). This program is hard but requires little equipment. The first month is only one kettlebell. Then add some resistance bands. Then a sandbag. (I think you could add a second kettlebell to replace the SB if you needed.) It has an intense crossfit kinda feel. I’ve only done the first month because of equipment, but I’m about to give it another go, I think.
The Kettlebell Bodybuilding Manual by Andrew Tracey - 8 weeks, 2 kettlebells. I’ve done this once all through, would definitely do it again. I couldn’t do pull-ups at the time because of an injury, so I used resistance bands instead. Intense, though not so much as YANYGM, imo. Many of the same principles, though.
Men’s Health Dumbbell Club by Andrew Tracey - Over a year’s worth of workouts, 2 dumbells (or kettlebells). I’ve not done these, but if you struggle with consistency, this offering will take you through 3 weekly workouts for over a year. They require minimal equipment (though having adjustable dumbbells would be optimal so you could roll heavier as you get stronger).
Build Your Own 30-minute Workout Plan by YOU (but structured by AT) – equipment is whatever you’ve got! Thirty minutes! Set up in an EMOM structure. Make the workout work for you and rest assured that you’ll hit all the good movement patterns and no muscle will go neglected.
P90X/P90X3 by Tony Horton/Beachbody – This is definitely not free and it has all of the incumbent baggage that a lot of the fitness industry has, including the way Tony talks about the exercisers’ “before” bodies. Not great. But the workouts cover all the important bases and are great for building a routine and I got really really fit doing these back to back. It was good not to have to think and just focus on improving little things each go around.
10 Mile/15k Novice Running Plan by Hal Higdon - Looking to run instead? Or you want to multiclass paladin and ranger? Hal Higdon is a great running coach for getting into the sport without getting injured and he’s got loads of plans for various distances. This is a great one if you want to build up to middle long distances, but you could also try his 5k or 10k plans. I just ran a 10 Mile trail race, though, so this is the one I’m sharing. If you can run 2-3 miles comfortably, it’s a great place to start. Don’t be afraid to repeat weeks. Listen to Coach Bennet on Nike Run Club, or his podcast.
Anyway, Substack says this post is too long so I will say my farewells—besides, I have my own workout to do.
If you found this helpful, share it with a friend.
Stay sharp, my friends.
- Cherae
